My Past Has Created My Future...
Since my first drink at age 11 I remember still how it felt...I felt invincible and that everything was going to be ok. From that moment on in life I chased that feeling for many years. What I thought were innocent good times turned out to be the most destructive path my life had ever taken.
I was a young innocent girl who liked to party. I had such a big heart and truly cared and loved so many but over the years I became an adult who struggled with severe addiction and alcoholism who didn't know how to care about the world around them. Alcohol and drugs stole my life for many years and almost ended it. I became locked in my addiction and lost myself in the process.
I struggled through many bouts of depression, years of unhealthy relationships and suffered through lots of abuse as well as abusing others. I became the person I despised the most, as I lived in active addiction I didn't realize the choices I was making and the people around me that I was hurting.
I ran from so many things that had happened, that others had caused and that I caused to others. I watched my mom suffer through depression and many attempts of suicide, October 2007 I lost our mom to suicide from her battle with depression, by this point my addiction was out of control. I wasn't sure I wanted to live anymore the path I was on got worse every day.
May 2008 life took a turn for the worse, I overdosed and almost died. I will never forget the feelings from that day...My kids were apprehended by the police and social services and they were taken in by my dad and step-mom. At this point I was ruthless and blamed my family and hated everyone around me. I thought the world was out to get me...life continued to go downhill from here. I ended up in jail and then wasn't allowed to see my kids for visitation, at this point all I wanted to do was die. I ended up homeless and life became the worst it had ever been. I had two choices life or death... I finally found the courage to choose life
February 15th, 2009 I fought hard with the little strength I had left and my journey to recovery began. I ended up In detox, then treatment.
Getting clean and sober was the hardest thing I had ever done but truly the best decision I had ever made. Life wasn't easy it continued on to be full of bumps along the way but the longer I had in recovery the more clarity I began to have.
Active Addiction led me to Active Recovery...When I completed treatment I got into a 12 Step Program and surrounded myself with like minded people. I struggled many days but I kept going and never gave up. I went to many lengths to destroy my life so I knew I had to go to any length to better my life. I got into service work and did everything I could to work through all my new emotions I had, I hadn't felt them in years...some I had never had before.
I got into some counselling to deal with all the abuse, trauma and the emotions that come with the addiction lifestyle. Each day got a little easier and for the first time in many years I was finding who I truly was. Someone who had been lost for so long...
Recovery has given me a chance to rebuild my life and my relationships, some days are better than other days but every day I wake up clean and sober is truly a gift. I am determined everyday to do what I need to so I can continue living life on life's terms. I have had many battles, life struggles and hard times but I haven't had to drink or use to deal through my emotions. My life today isn't perfect nor will it ever be but its better than its ever been. My family is truly the most important thing to me I will forever thankful to have recovery...Today I choose Life!!!